Strong Black Woman Disease- Here is The Cure

During my career as a psychotherapist, I remember meeting with one of my patients and learning just how powerful our words can be.

During the course of this session, the patient was sharing details about a difficult time in her life as a single mother, working to grow her career and maintain a healthy sense of care for herself. I said to my patient "I admire how strong you are!"

I thought I was giving her a compliment , but without hesitation she very simply and firmly let me know that she does not like the label of strong black woman!  From her view point the term Strong Black Woman stood for a woman who:

1. Was hard and rough

2. Did not want or was not deserving of any assistance and

3. Was essentially an escape route for society to avoid helping women of color because we were not viewed as: SOFT or NEEDING CARE!

   
   

When she said this y’all it blew my whole mind, I mean I’m here trying to say something kind, thinking I’m uplifting another woman, and it was the patient who gave me a quick lesson that day!

When that session ended I was not the same. All of these years I had been telling myself this was an affirmation , it was a compliment when it was told to me , it was a badge of overcoming and honor from society , but guess what for women of color – namely black women – it is not a badge of honor or an affirmation but a title forced upon a group of women who had two choices -SINK or SWIM and for those who decided we would swim - because failure was not an option for us - for our children , or livelihood we gained this title of :

STRONG BLACK WOMAN!!

But you know what also comes with that title ‘because one automatically assumes the other....

INDEPENDENT WOMAN!

This leads me to what I believe has become a spiritual curse against many women of color.

Lamentations 3:65 -You will give them hardness of heart; your curse will be on them.

 I begin to think about the word STRENGTH and how words are spoken as blessings or as curses. I realized that the word strength can be viewed in several ways depending on the what it is being used to describe.

1.     Strength for a woman who is whole and healed can mean an uplifting, triumph, quiet peace, acceptance of the trials that have come and a determination to trust in her provider (GOD ) & loved ones , confidence in knowing she is loved and cared for. She is “soft”, feminine, graceful, humble but confident and expects goodness and favor to surround her at all times. She is mindful of who she is , protecting her peace and boundaries at all costs.

2.     Strength for a woman who feels neglected and forgotten, has not healed from the trauma she has experienced can mean anger and resentment at her circumstances, feeling abandoned and/or rejected by those she trusted and loved. It is the constant burden of what needs to be done, and she is the only one who will do it. It is a feeling of perpetual lack – whether it is time, resources, health, energy. She spends most of her existence in crisis mode, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Guess which one I was for most of my adult life? Yup ! Door #2

That therapy session changed my perspective; it changed the narrative I was running about me and the narrative I was willing to let people assign to me going forward. I wanted to be free from the STRONG BLACK WOMAN CURSE!! Becuase I have never heard anyone say strong white woman, strong hispanic woman, strong middle eastern woman!

So, what is the cure for the STRONG BLACK WOMAN DISEASE?

It is THE HEALING BALM OF GILEAD! The Healing Balm of Gilead sounds cliché, but in the Bible, it was an ointment said to have had abundant uses:

Healing Skin Ailments

Reducing Pain

Treating Anxiety

Promoting Relaxation

Treating Congestion

Not only does the Word of God deilver and cure, but God has also given us spiritual weapons like : THE BLOOD OF JESUS and THE HEALING BALM OF GILEAD!!

Notice when I listed what the physical balm was used for it healed anxiety, pain, and provided relaxation just to name a few. The spiritual use of the Balm of Gilead is the cure to feeling burdened, unloved, tired, stressed, hardened, hopeless, angry, resentful. It is the healing and restoration that God provides; it is his provision for us in EVERY AREA where we may be lacking : finances, health, love, spirituality, strength, courage, patience etc.

To My Sisters in Christ :

You don’t have to be strong all of the time!

You don’t have to have all of the answers to every problem!

You don’t have to save everybody!  

You do not always have to be moving or doing something!

SIT DOWN!

In God you can be soft, be feminine, be graceful, be cared for, be adored, be sweet, be a warrior , be a threat to the enemy, be bold and stand on business- all the while being treated like the royalty he created you to be!

There is NO such concept as a STRONG BLACK INDEPENDANT WOMAN in the KINGDOM OF GOD!!

Matthew 11:28 -30 Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”